So there's this Modi bhakt (MB) and your Socialist, Secular, Rational, Progressive Liberal (SRPL) walking out of the office at the end of the day.
MB: Hey, you want a lift?
SRPL (smirks good-naturedly): Car-pooling? Why? I thought your Modi sarkaar had brought down the prices of petrol, na?
MB (smiles): Forget it, then. But it looks like it might rain. You'll take the metro kya?
SRPL: Metro? Me? Screw that, man. I just got a brand new filter fitted into VW Polo. Can't wait to roar past you guys on the highway. It really brings the roar of the engine to a new level. (rubs his stomach absently)
MB: I thought you owned a bike...
SRPL: This heat wave, who wants to get all sweaty and bothered? I am gonna turn that AC up all the way, my friend, and chillax on the way home. Hey, remind me to ask our admin guys to amp up the AC's at the office tomorrow, will ya?
MB: AC? In this cold?
SRPL: Oh, I forgot. You don't believe in ties or suits, do you? Typical country bumpkin you are. I bet your Modi taught you that Indian attire is better, huh?
MB (irritated now, without good reason): Being an Indian...
SRPL (interrupts impatiently): Buy Indian? Pah. Indians don't know quality, man. Take this suit of mine. Stitched by the finest tailors of Italy. Pah, what would you know? You should have brought one for Diwali, dude. There was a twofer deal at Gucci's.
MB: No, thank you. I am very happy with what I have. Speaking of Diwali... how was yours?
SRPL (lighting a cigarette): Diwali? You know it's just an excuse for people to pollute the environment, man. I hope you didn't waste any money on firecrackers or anything. Total waste it is. All that noise and useless clothes and sweets and glorification of war and violence... better to spend it on those less fortunate than you. That's what I told my maid.
MB: For Diwali?
SRPL: Yep. (Exhales) Should have seen the smog outside my house. This thick. (exhales again). Almost as thick as this.
MB: You should probably stop smoking then.
SRPL: That's the problem with you RSS Chaddiwalas. Always telling others what to do. You guys should take a chill pill, man. Be more secular. Open-minded.
MB: Leave it. Let's not get into it again.
SRPL: I agree. Otherwise, you stupid Bhakts will start abusing me again. Internet Hindus, all of you.
MB: I said leave it. What are your plans for the evening?
SRPL: You should come. It will expand your fundamentalist horizons. A bunch of us are gathering for a Save-Gaza candlelight vigil near the (Kashmiri) Pundits' refugee camp, then over to that Tibetan place for a meal and then home in time to put up the lights for Xmas.
MB: Xmas??? That's still a couple of months away, isn't it?
SRPL: Ah, but the Sharmas next door always light up their entire place, and wifey wants us to beat them this year. Should cost a bomb for the e-bill, but that should be okay - that Arvind chap is talking of getting us all a waiver if we vote for him. See, now that's the guy you should be following. He has the right ideas. Instead of a Modi who thinks we should be doing his work for him. (drops the cig on the ground and stomps it. Finds that was the last of the pack and throws it away in disgust.)
MB: You might want to toss it into the dustbin right in front of us.
SRPL (shrugging) What for? Some schmuck believing in that Swachch Bharat campaign will do it anyway. Hey, speaking of campaigns, I am thinking of getting my son that new PS4 this Christmas - you know any place I can get a Battlefield Earth Campaign edition bluray? It would be a nice way of teaching him what Christmas is all about, you know...
MB: By buying him a bunch of material things unsuitable for a boy his age?
SRPL: There's no getting past your rabid communalism, is there? I am sorry I ever ran into you. Now I wish I hadn't even invited you to that Bakrid feast at my house last month, you crazy opinionated Hindu...