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Overheard...

So there's this Modi bhakt (MB) and your Socialist, Secular, Rational, Progressive Liberal (SRPL) walking out of the office at the end of the day.

MB: Hey, you want a lift? 

SRPL (smirks good-naturedly): Car-pooling? Why? I thought your Modi sarkaar had brought down the prices of petrol, na?

MB (smiles): Forget it, then. But it looks like it might rain. You'll take the metro kya?

SRPL: Metro? Me? Screw that, man. I just got a brand new filter fitted into VW Polo. Can't wait to roar past you guys on the highway. It really brings the roar of the engine to a new level. (rubs his stomach absently)

MB: I thought you owned a bike...

SRPL: This heat wave, who wants to get all sweaty and bothered? I am gonna turn that AC up all the way, my friend, and chillax on the way home. Hey, remind me to ask our admin guys to amp up the AC's at the office tomorrow, will ya? 

MB: AC? In this cold?

SRPL: Oh, I forgot. You don't believe in ties or suits, do you? Typical country bumpkin you are. I bet your Modi taught you that Indian attire is better, huh?

MB (irritated now, without good reason): Being an Indian...

SRPL (interrupts impatiently): Buy Indian? Pah. Indians don't know quality, man. Take this suit of mine. Stitched by the finest tailors of Italy. Pah, what would you know? You should have brought one for Diwali, dude. There was a twofer deal at Gucci's.

MB: No, thank you. I am very happy with what I have. Speaking of Diwali... how was yours?

SRPL (lighting a cigarette): Diwali? You know it's just an excuse for people to pollute the environment, man. I hope you didn't waste any money on firecrackers or anything. Total waste it is. All that noise and useless clothes and sweets and glorification of war and violence... better to spend it on those less fortunate than you. That's what I told my maid. 

MB: For Diwali?

SRPL: Yep. (Exhales) Should have seen the smog outside my house. This thick. (exhales again). Almost as thick as this. 

MB: You should probably stop smoking then.

SRPL: That's the problem with you RSS Chaddiwalas. Always telling others what to do. You guys should take a chill pill, man. Be more secular. Open-minded.

MB: Leave it. Let's not get into it again.

SRPL: I agree. Otherwise, you stupid Bhakts will start abusing me again. Internet Hindus, all of you. 

MB: I said leave it. What are your plans for the evening?

SRPL: You should come. It will expand your fundamentalist horizons. A bunch of us are gathering for a Save-Gaza candlelight vigil near the (Kashmiri) Pundits' refugee camp, then over to that Tibetan place for a meal and then home in time to put up the lights for Xmas.

MB: Xmas??? That's still a couple of months away, isn't it?

SRPL: Ah, but the Sharmas next door always light up their entire place, and wifey wants us to beat them this year. Should cost a bomb for the e-bill, but that should be okay - that Arvind chap is talking of getting us all a waiver if we vote for him. See, now that's the guy you should be following. He has the right ideas. Instead of a Modi who thinks we should be doing his work for him. (drops the cig on the ground and stomps it. Finds that was the last of the pack and throws it away in disgust.)

MB: You might want to toss it into the dustbin right in front of us.

SRPL (shrugging) What for? Some schmuck believing in that Swachch Bharat campaign will do it anyway. Hey, speaking of campaigns, I am thinking of getting my son that new PS4 this Christmas - you know any place I can get a Battlefield Earth Campaign edition bluray? It would be a nice way of teaching him what Christmas is all about, you know...

MB: By buying him a bunch of material things unsuitable for a boy his age?

SRPL: There's no getting past your rabid communalism, is there? I am sorry I ever ran into you. Now I wish I hadn't even invited you to that Bakrid feast at my house last month, you crazy opinionated Hindu... 

A Quieter Diwali... a Happier Diwali?

For years, I have not 'celebrated' Diwali in the sense it has come to mean. No crackers, no bombs. Nothing noisier than a pair of sprinklers that go zzzzzzzzz and a couple of flowerpots that go whoosh.

But I have celebrated it in other ways. Spent time with the whole family - parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts. Went out, met friends. Wore my new clothes, gifted others theirs. And my biggest contribution by far?

I'd stopped bursting crackers.

I'd stopped when I realized how terrified Brownie and Bush were of the noise and smoke and the smells that permeated the world around them. They were lucky, in a way. There were sound-diluting corners of the house they could retreat to. And it was Trivandrum, a beautiful city that celebrated its Diwali in a typically restrained way, dwelling more on the light than the sound. I dread the coming Diwali in Bengaluru because we have a puppy who's too young to know that the amplified sounds won't hurt us (at least, in the short run) and too attached to run for cover leaving us behind. 

During Diwali, Brownie wouldn't climb down from this sofa. She needed one of us to be nearby all the time.
And this was the girl who ran out to God-knows-where and found her way back next morning, raised a litter on her own, put up with my shenanigans and generally let nothing else ruffle her.

Lest the knives come out, let me make one thing perfectly clear: I am not AGAINST Diwali, or celebrating it. I simply disagree with what it has come to mean now. It is no longer the festival of lights - it has now become a week-long contest of my-bang-is-louder-than-yours. It's not about celebrating what we have; it's about flushing money down the toilet to the tanks of an industry that's notorious for labour exploitation and poor safety standards. Oh, and now we have Chinese crackers to worry about too.

To those who assume that Diwali merely marks the return of Lord Ram to Ayodhya, it isn't. The significance of Diwali goes much deeper, and in a much more 'secular' manner. Just as there is for every festival, celebration or 'religious' diktat of Hinduism (many of which, unfortunately, have been lost to show-me-proof idiots who've never asked for a DNA test, 'rationalists' looking for a reason to denigrate Hindu practices or people who don't care as long as they have a reason to quaff or show off), there is a reason behind Diwali.

Diwali marks the transition of autumn to winter, and thus once again calls for a change in diet and lifestyle. The days are shorter, ergo the lights. Diwali, in its original avatar, was a celebration not only of a King/God's return, but also of a public exercise of raising hope - that as bad as the coming winter could be, there would be a spring/harvest season not too far behind. The lights, so essential for heat during the cold nights, needed to be brought out of storage and prepared - what better reason to do this than to celebrate the lights themselves then? 

Sweets, rich in ghee and helpful in adding fatty layers of insulation to the bodies of those who relied on physical labour, were exchanged. Home-made sweets, I should hasten to add, without artificial coloring or chemical substitutes. Richer foods for the winter, transitioned to slowly over a week, from the leaner foods more appropriate for wet monsoon season.

And the clothes, of course. The reason people have been gifting clothes is simple - the monsoon that typically precedes Diwali would have taken its toll both on the health and the wealth of a citizenry. Clothes carried over from that period would tend to be thinner, since they would have to dry out in what little sunshine was spared by the stormy clouds, and perhaps even carrying the remnants of germs and bacteria that would thrive in the lethargic winter. New clothes, often gifted by the King or a landlord to the vassals, was a way of ensuring that people had enough to keep themselves warm. Calling it a gift enforced that sense of obligation between the giver and the receiver; calling it charity would have demeaned the latter.

Over hundreds of years, this meaning was lost to us. Diwali became an exercise in consumerism. You go on vacations to places that have never heard of Diwali. You buy televisions and mobile phones and thank your stars for the festive season's deals. You one-up your neighbor because you bought the 1500-unit cracker against his 1000-unit cracker. Your clothes are more expensive than your neighbor's. 

That's not Diwali anymore. Sub out the crackers, and it might just as well be any of the other festivals where we indulge ourselves. It's no longer a festival of hope or of goodness - it is simply one of goodies. Just as Bakrid, meant as a festival of gratitude, has now become a contest to see which family can slaughter the most bakris, or Xmas-eve a last-minute rush to get something for those who are sure to give you gifts in return, Diwali needs us to return to it its meaningfulness.

Start with a simple pledge. Repeat, every time you have this urge to buy a cracker, that Diwali is the festival of lights. Buy a sparkler. Or a chakra. 

And make sure you buy from a brand that is known to use only adult, unbonded labour. It's rather hypocritical of us to cheer Kailash Satyarthi for his Nobel while we indulge an industry that's known for its preference of underpaid, underage labour.

And halve your budget for crackers, and do something else with that money that would make your God smile a little wider. Help out someone in need. Gift a child a jacket to shield him/her from the cold. Gift a child a book to read under the warmth of a blanket. Or gift a blanket itself. You don't need to save the world, but to someone, even a little gesture of yours might mean it. Make His job easier, and if you believe in that divine quid pro quo, He'll make yours.

You don't combat the forces of evil in today's world - the pseudo-secularists who want to dilute every practice of a Hindu's way of life, or mock it in some way - by pointing to the other religions and call Diwali your own revenge for the thousands of bakris or turkeys killed to propitiate their Gods. If you are serious about living Diwali the way it was meant to be, then you celebrate it by setting an example. You take that first step.

You be the candle that lights the first sprinker of a chain.

Happy Diwali!!!

An ePal to go with the Lokpal?

Corruption manifests itself in many forms. From its plain-vanilla version of straight-out 'compensation for execution' to more diaphanous methods like sponsoring an event, paying for services as a cover or exchanging favors. Today, even anti-corruption movements are tainted by allegations of quid pro quo!

In India, there have been various attempts to tackle this issue. Some governments have automated their processes and filing systems so that the opportunities for gaming the system are reduced; others have taken a legislative route, sometimes in addition to the aforementioned e-Governance systems. Unfortunately, the threats have not been transformed into guarantees yet - a guarantee that corruption will be discovered and its participants punished. 

To expect corruption to be tackled by ill-equipped and untrained enforcement agencies (often compromised by their political masters' priorities) is nothing short of naivete. You cannot legislate out corruption... it has to happen at a much deeper, much more fundamental level.

When the disease stems from our DNA, so too must be the cure.

We have often been so focused on big-ticket corruption - the kind with oodles of zeroes - that we have rarely taken a step back to see the picture in its entirety. Dotted around big-ticket corruption, like fleas on a dog, is small-ticket corruption. It is this category, the one where you pay a few rupees to get out of a ticket or to get something done faster (or at all), that the average citizen encounters but never questions.

For every Bofors or CWG, there are millions of below-the-table transactions taking place at registrars' offices, utility boards, recruitment divisions, RTOs and other government offices. The sum total of these little thefts - for they are not taxed, never regularized - might perhaps eclipse some of the UPA government's 'proud' achievements... but for once, they are not to blame.

We are. 

The aam aadmi who robs from Peter to pay Paul. We may have our reasons, but every time we excuse ourselves, every time we force Peter to cough up when he shouldn't have to, we make him a Paul to someone else. And that creates another Peter somewhere else...

Myths about small-ticket corruption:

• Big-ticket corruption excuses small-ticket corruption because it creates it as a trickle-down effect
• Proponents of the latter are justified when they point to their masters' big-ticket deals and ask for these to be prosecuted first.

An effective anti-corruption stance requires a zero-tolerance approach (not a zero-loss one!). It must treat a five-rupee violation as seriously as a five-thousand-crore one.

You cannot be any 'less' corrupt or any 'more' corrupt - you are either corrupt, or you aren't

The challenges

• Investigating the trail of one million-dollar scam is far easier (forensically speaking; the political interference is another issue altogether) than the ten-thousand hundred-dollar deals that happen at government offices every day. 
• A one-size-fits-all approach will not work. Solutions such as (Jan) Lok Pal are either overwhelmed to the point of impotence against the scale of small-ticket corruption - because it happens in more places than can be tackled effectively without having charges of bias or persecution levelled against it. 

(This is not to say that Lokpals or Jan Lokpals are useless - in the right way, used in conjunction with other anti-corruption measures, these Acts may indeed make a huge difference to crime-fighting)

So what is the solution?

To tackle the ubiquitous small-ticket corruption, a two-pronged approach is neded. There should be both negative and positive reinforcements.

• Negative reinforcements, obviously, include legislation and enforcement of tough, speedy justice, demotions, threat of exposure, etc. But in a country where being a 'rebel' or 'very smart' is sometimes a sought-after label, this might not always work. 
• Positive reinforcements such as recognition of and rewarding those government employees who are a credit to their job and their department by virtue of their efficiency, integrity and effectiveness. 

But how will we implement this?

This sounds, as you've probably guessed, easier than it is. How do we do it, you ask, given the lakhs of employees, the multitude of tasks they execute, the unorganized way in which government offices often keep track of work, the biases that creep into any system private or public?

Perhaps a solution would be to have an ePal - an online portal where citizens can rate government employees, departments, etc. on how satisfied they are with the efforts and outcome, and if, at all, any baksheesh was sought, provide an easy workflow to report such approaches.

Every citizen armed with a mobile phone (smart/dumb - the phone, that is!) and/or an internet connection can sign into the portal, pull up the details of the staff member who was assigned the citizen's task and rate them on multiple parameters (importantly, on integrity, efficiency and effectiveness); if the staff member is not in the database, there can be a provision for a citizen to add the employee.

Can a solution like ePal make a difference?

How will this help? 

• Over a period of time, as the volume of feedback grows, it can provide an objective and real-time measure of the quality of (administrative) governance. 
• Since it would be a public list, people would be less likely to be corrupt as it would eventually be tracked by the system for the world (and their own families) to see... 
• Additionally, it becomes a valuable resource for a citizen clueless about a particular task - he/she can log into the portal, pull up the task and be informed of the process and the personnel to approach for redressal. 
• Most importantly, as a third-party-driven and -audited engagement, it can be an objective and acceptable standard for benchmarking performance, as well as be a Key Result Area when it comes to assessing government employees. High-scoring employees can then be incentivised (given that most people who are corrupt are forced to be because of commitments like fees, EMIs, etc., the incentives can take the form of increased benefits, allowances or subsidies)

The path towards such a system is surely not easy - not only can we anticipate opposition from those whose activities will be monitored, but also does the success of this program depend on continuous public participation. It will be the public's feedback that will keep the scoreboards ticking over, the players competitive and the system on an inertial pull to clean itself up...  

There is every risk that such a venture could end up adopted by a few activists and ignored by the rest of the populace, but that seems to be a worthy risk. By giving the opportunity to the public to act against corruption and for clean employees, we lose maybe a bit of time and effort - but the payoffs, if it does work, could be a future generation where a visit to a government office is not something we dread.  

India has spent too much time as a kleptocracy - can we, the aam aadmi, the unwitting kleptocrats, now turn things around? Or will we continue to hold up the bogey of political big-ticket corruption so that we may not see us for what we are?

You tell me...

Why I won't vote for Feku... the real Feku...

Dear ArKe,

• When you announced shelters for the homeless, you earned my respect.
• When you approved free water/subsidized electricity with riders and deadlines (31st March, 2014), I hoped it was a deliberate attempt not to overburden a system that's already tottering.

And...

• If you'd suspended Bharti after Khirki, I'd have applauded your sense of fairness.
• If you'd moved a bill to bring the Delhi police under the Delhi govt and sat on a dharna for that, I'd have welcomed your sense of action.
• If you hadn't called off your Dharna to protect your and Bharti's image, but continued until the stated aim - Delhi police under Delhi govt - had been achieved, I'd have grudgingly agreed that your style of anarchy works.
• If you had acted against Dixit and others without asking for evidence from Dr. Harshavardhan, I'd have been happy that you are at least fighting corruption.
• If you had taken the effort to see at least one prosecution of a corrupt official getting off the ground, I'd have had the hope that things are moving in the right direction.
• If you'd been able to take your opponents along as well as your unquestioning fans, I'd have respected your consensus-evolving skills - because our nation needs leaders to talk to each other, not just to us all the time.
• If you had gone through the Constitution you claim to respect and not created the excuse you did for scuttling the JLP, I'd have found nothing wrong with trusting your words.
• If you hadn't written to Tauqeer Raza or pulled up Bhushan or called Batla encounter fake, I'd have been happy that you, at least, are not pseudo-secular.
• If you had not withdrawn money earmarked for infrastructure and used it to pay for subsidies (to Ambani's discoms), I might have even granted that your 49-day reign was indeed hampered.
• If you had moved out - or explained how a family earning Rs.11L per annum can afford a rented house at Rs.2.5L per month - I'd have believed that you could set an example for our politicians who live off public money.
• If you hadn't forgotten that Congress ruled this country for 60+ years while Vajpayee's term (as even his worst detractors now agree) was among the best, I'd have believed that you'd make a good party to invest in at the national level.
• If you hadn't turned to drama at every turn because you can't pay the news channels for coverage, I'd have respected you as a decent human being.
• If you could be as unforgiving to your supporters when they are wrong as you are to those who criticize you, I'd have believed that you were, indeed, conscientious.
• If you had been more mature in your efforts to weed out #paidmedia instead of threatening to arrest them, I'd have been less apprehensive of your dictatorial approach.
• And if you had surrounded yourself with less obnoxious characters than Ashutosh, Khetan or Sisodia, I'd have taken your #paidMedia allegations more seriously.
• And if you hadn't tried to adjust an interview with a two-faced lackey (who pretends to be an impartial journalist to this day), I'd not have scoffed at your media-bashing.
• If you had asked us to trust in your abilities rather than to fear Modi (and I do not see you taking anyone else's name with such frequency or rabid rhetoric), I could have eventually shared your confidence.
• If you had spoken against Sahara... if you'd spoken against Sarada... if you had been able to reconcile your 'findings' about Gujarat and your colleagues' before they joined you... I could have believed that your attack on crony capitalism was not compromised.
• And if you'd said something and stuck to it, I would not be thinking disparagingly of you.

If you had, at least for once in these past few months, displayed a desire to be anything other than an anarchist... 
If at least once you could have shown me why I should not fear you running away again on another made-up pretext... 
If you could have handled things with at least as much class as we want to see in our politicians... 

I'd not have woken up today worrying for a nation that might just give you enough votes for UPAAP.

If only...

The Rise of the Nouveau Politique

Being a rebel is fun.

It's trendy. 

It's even cooler when it is in the 'best interests of the society.'

And one way or another, often short-lived. Either the rebel dies, or the rebellion dies within.

Pragmatism eventually recovers the part of the brain that works according to Darwin instead of Creation. Demands of living, of supporting dependents, of fulfilling duties closer to the hearth than perhaps the heart... compromises that try to bridge the life you wanted to lead with the one you have to, sometimes leaving you right in the middle and unable to enjoy the thought of choosing either bank.

But sometimes, with the same odds as the current Indian bowling attack rolling over an opposition with cunning or pace, you get lucky. You come across a movement that satisfies the Robin-hood within, needs sufficient investment - time, money, emotional attachment, faith, whatchamacallits - to make you feel good but not so much that it seems like work. You get to sit in judgment of others, discuss vehemently, include yourself in the millions who are ushering in the change and revel in the anonymity that being one in a million offers.

I know how that feels. I sit in front of a laptop, pontificating on the rights and the wrongs of the world as I see it, hoping that at least some of the people passing by the window pause, maybe even come into the shop and browse through stuff. On Facebook, I 'like' pictures of cute dogs and show them to my wife, promising her that one day, we'll adopt at least a couple of them. I whizz by streetkids peddling stickers, thinking I'll do something to get them off the streets and somewhere safe; I look at families balancing themselves on two-wheelers and imagine ways to get our traffic etiquette on track.

And I'll do all this tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after...

My solace? I am not alone. I am one of those millions that dream of making a difference in one way or another. I am anonymous, and I like it that way because I don't want a disgruntled mob, the target of my righteousness, showing up on my doorstep or painting J'Accuse on my nameplate.

The rise of the Aam Aadmi Party must seem like water to a rebel parched for action. Like the youth who step into the campuses in Kerala or West Bengal or JNU and are immediately assaulted by the glories of revolution of the working classes, of the privileged getting their kneecaps dirty as they bend by the sides of their less fortunate counterparts and give them a stronger voice, of the indoctrination at that age that immediately pegs narrow, communal feelings as unbecoming of a young life that wants to change the world, the aam aadmi's imagination has been captured by the panacea for all the ills of this nation, the AAP.

"They are just like us," the Aam Aadmi's aam aadmi gushes. "Until now, we thought politics was only for the dirty or the criminal. But they have shown us that even decent people like us have a chance."

And like any good story, there has to be a strong Evil that has to be beaten back by the morally-superior Good. That Evil, in the current narrative, takes the form of mainstream parties, established players in the order of St.Politique, and come in clever disguises that are, nonetheless, too easy to spot - they are not us. How could they be? Because we are not them.

It's a truth that is. Because it is. No uncomfortable questions, please. We are the nouveau politique. 

The nouveau politique are the newest revolutionaries on the block. They observe divisions of neither caste nor community, neither education nor social standing. These are men and women (and, to be PC, persons of the neutral gender) who want the system to be cleansed and are willing to wield the broom that will sweep the deritus away. They have discovered the call of politics within their hearts and have embraced it with a passion that is equalled only by their loathing of the established order.

But the road to hell, as the saying goes, is often paved with good intentions.

Our typical reaction to anyone challenging our beliefs.

Indians are like tortoises - slow off the blocks, and a preference to get back into our shells when challenged. The established political parties and their followers are perfect examples: challenge a Congress or a BJP supporter and watch them fall back on oft-repeated defenses against corruption, appeasement and the 'acceptable' way of living. The Nouveau Politique are no different. Ask an aam aadmi about the compromises that have been made and watch him/her fall back on the "better-than-yours" defense. Or the increasingly-popular "internally cleared" label.

That is my problem with the Nouveau Politique. Not their aspirations - for we have that - but for allowing it to blind them to the dangers of supporting an institution whose sense of direction is akin to "somewhere... north. Maybe northeast, or northwest, but... north." And where, in the blinding light and deafening noise of the rhetoric, no one is actually able to paint a true picture of the elephant. No one has any idea what the AAP will mutate into once it starts to feed on power and the demands of multiple constituents, each with its own set of demands.

The AAPmoeba. Scientists place bets on how it will mutate...

A party like the Congress or the BJP, for all its faults, has a compass that's largely static. If it's welfare and more welfare for the Congress, it's development and uniform civil codes for the BJP. The regional satraps have their own priorities, hammered into their constituents for years. You know what they stand for, and when you vote for them, you know what you could be voting in.

The AAP, on the other hand, is an amalgamation of differences against a singular, overarching objective - an overthrow of the establishment as they see it. If you are not with them, you are against them - and therefore, you are corrupt, communal and against the interests of the nation. It's a murder case where there is no chance to defend yourself against the claims of the prosecution. What should have been a diplomatic, ends-driven exercise is now a jingoistic, means-driven rebellion.

One of the biggest problems with Kejriwal - as I see it - was his shoot-and-scoot press conferences that made allegations of corruption without actually doing anything about it. Contrast this with Subramanian Swamy, a man often dismissed for his windvane-headedness, who took the 2G scam to the courts and actually brought down a minister. Making allegations is easy, proving them is not. I cannot reconcile the man who once stood on a podium claiming to have a 370-page report that 'proved' Sheila Dixit's corruption with the one who wants an MLA to provide him with this 'proof' again.

And that is where I am disturbed by the trending political conversation in the country. Supporters of the AAP are no less intolerant of others' views than the ones they accuse of being trolls. A man with very little experience (and when you are on the cusp of a crisis, experience should feature at the top of your wishlist) is now being hailed as the Messiah of the middle class, as if the flourish of his signature on a piece of paper is enough to wipe off the ills that face this country. To believe that is the height of naivete - optimism, yes, but naivete nonetheless.

We seem to be far more demanding of a CxO than of a CM or a PM. Priorities?

For nothing of what we have seen of Kejriwal suggests that he has answers to the needs of this nation that go beyond, "Give it to them for free. The Government can afford it." Arvind-saab, the government cannot afford it. It prints money, but the more it prints, the less valuable that money is. Surely, as an IT officer so fed up with the system you relied on a technicality to get out of your promised service, you must know how sorrily our treasuries are being managed.

His heart is in the right place. #AllThatMatters

Yet, in the din of populism - and he just needs to keep it going for six months before we vote for the broom in the general elections, after which *Conditions Apply will come into effect - such hard questions are not being asked. An image beyond reproach has automatically translated into the blind faith that he will be the one to lead the nation out of the doldrums. No roadmap is sought. No long-term policies are required to be drafted. No one questions the irony of closed-door "internal Lokpals" or paranoia that sees death in the shape of cricket balls. 

A manifesto that panders to the short-term desires (couched in the language of perpetuity) is all that it takes to woo the nouveau politique over to the side of the 'angels.' And of course, if you face an uncertain situation, you can always throw the decision back to the people and ask them to vote. (without a Captcha, of course)

Make no mistake - I am all for the principles that created the AAP. I want probity from my representatives. I want government servants to execute their jobs as laid down by law, without having to be compensated additionally for their service efforts. I want the natural resources of my nation to be utilized for the utilitarian good.

I am also for the principles that created the Congress. Freedom and sovereignty. 

I am also for the principles of the BJP. I want development, tolerance (Loka samastha sukhino bavandhu) and a Uniform Civil Code that would be the hallmark of a truly secular government.

I am also for the principles of the Marxist parties (except the ones that prefer violence). The society needs to take care of its weaker sections. Appreciation of merit has to be blind of caste or communal considerations.

And I have a problem when the nouveau politique or the fanboys in the media see every expression of support for the AAP's principles as an extension of support for the AAP itself. No one is going to say, "I hope the movement fails!" Not even Lalu or Mulayam, or even Diggy! 

Whose fault is this?

But that doesn't mean that you believe, with the blind fervor of the converted, that our problems will be solved by voting the AAP into power. That level of a change will not happen until the day we stop at a red light not out of fear of being caught but because it is the right, legal thing to do. It will not happen until the day we become intelligent enough to question, question and question until we are informed enough to take a decision. It will not happen until the day our sense of individual identities is so strong that we do not have to see ourselves as a rebel to make a difference to the society.

Question. Understand. Decide.

Because right now, we aren't rebels, not in the true sense of the word. We aren't Bose, Rajguru or CheG. We aren't leading because we understand - we are followers because the AAP promises us answers we want to hear, and not always the right ones. That's the betrayal to the movement that wants to create an enlightened citizenry, not merely an aroused one.

And until such time, you, my friend, if you are part of the Nouveau Politique that has the politics but not the maturity, if you are a rebel who's not really questioned his/her faith, you are a far bigger danger to this country's future than the dark side you are trying to fight.

Jaago re...

Why should we be more unforgiving of AAP's compromises

Everyone loves a winner. 

And when it's an underdog that wins, the romanticism just goes through the roof.

Everyone wants to be a part of it. It resonates at some atavistic level in the human psyche that wants to be a part of the strongest pack, to be at the apex of the food chain. 

It helps when your conscience is constantly nudged in that direction. "We can change the world. We are the change. We can help those who need it, and steamroll those who stand, immorally, against us. Because we are right."

AAP is the latest revolution in our land. A party that was born of the marriage of frustration and anti-corruption, a party without a dynasty or a climb through the ranks, transparent and well-intentioned, an antithesis to every other entity in the establishment... it's easy to see how the Aam Aadmi Party has captured the imagination of the aam aadmi.

You do not need to be a Gandhi - or be on sycophantic terms with one - to have a shot at representing your ward. You do not need to have spent years with a grassroots organization like the RSS or the Youth Congress to be heard by the higher-ups. And best of all, the left-leaning ideals - subsidies at government expenditure, giving people what they need at no personal cost, the automatic imprint of secularism because the AAP is not the brainchild of any particular community - assuage your own ideals for living a socialist, value-to-society life without compromising on any of the comforts you can't live without.

And with the zeal of the converted, the neophytes end up being more loyal to the king than the royalty itself. Indians have a tendency to move from condemnation or indifference to worship without bothering themselves with too much introspection or uncomfortable questions. Thus, an on-screen persona tranlsates into a Puratchi Thalaivar or a larger-than-life NTR without being troubled by the understanding of the differences between the reel and the real. Icons take the place of ideologies, and in the process cost us the intellectual cynicism that should guard us against the trap of falling in blindly.

We never seem to learn that lesson.

Of late, I've been getting into arguments with my wife, normally an apolitical person, whenever I criticize AAP. That - making a person care about the political setup in the country once again - is perhaps AAP's greatest success. That, and the fact that you do not need a filmi-flashback to be in politics or make an impact.

But reducing AAP to just another party is to make a mockery of the hope that they've held out to those who are looking up to them. And excusing their compromises as 'necessities' or 'naivete' is perhaps the biggest danger to the chance that India has in its grip right now.

Why should we be far more unforgiving of AAP than any other party?

Because AAP is supposed to be the party with a difference. And that difference is not in the absence of a dynastic following or a Bhakti cult or the specter of communalism, but in the principled stand - of austerity, level-headedness, honesty, a non-pseudo brand of secularism and a desire to clean up the system by breaking the insiders' club - that catapulted AAP from an extra in an anti-corruption crusade to the superstar of the day. And any chip off this stand, any dilution of these standards, is a betrayal of those who subscribed to it.

Like a hard rock that gets pounded by running water into a pebble without even realizing it, AAP's compromises have the potential to reduce it to another aspirant to the corridors of power and its abuse - and a traitor to the promises it once held out.

While I am impressed with the way that the AAP has gone about its business in the last four days, I also have my reservations.

One, while the promise of 700L of water was delivered in the letter of the law, the spirit was found lacking. The supply is only for piped connections to houses - covering about 40% of Delhi's populace - and comes with a sensible rider of penalties for misusing that privilege. So far, so good. What troubles me is that there are no apolitical voices asking for the government to push through connections for the remaining citizenry. No one from the AAP has come forward so far with a blueprint for increasing the water connectivity to houses (something that's pretty basic for anyone who's played SimCity!) One measure without the other is not good governance - like the FSB, it's merely tokenism.

Socialism aside, one also has to wonder where the money is going to come from. Subsidising water and power are short-term solutions that might take them to a stronger position after LS 2014, but how are they going to make the system more efficient? Auditing discoms and reducing the guaranteed margins of 16% (one wonders at the naivete that assumed that one govt is free to overturn/cancel arbitrarily the contracts entered into by its predecessor) to lower levels might work to please the voters for now, but what if the coffers run out some time later? What if the cost of these populist subsidies bankrupt the utilities? Who ends up paying for it then?

The media went ga-ga over Arvind Kejriwal and his cabinet's aam aadmi approach to their swearing-in ceremony, but lost in the din of 'change' was that it had all been done before by people who'd been similar lanterns of hope. Mamata Banerjee, AK Antony, Manohar Parrikar, Raman Singh... yet, no one spoke of them. No one seemed to want to remember anyone from the 'establishment' because to do so would be to be disloyal to the moment and the movement. The perspective that should have been in place was lost in the excitement.

The governance-by-poll is a great concept that has found traction in Western countries - and it is great only as long as it is done in a transparent, foolproof manner. AAP's surveys have always been couched in non-specifics; if their 'Congress-support' poll is any indication, flawed in accounting for selection bias as well. Ironic, given that one of their leading lights is a man who's considered to be a psephologist.

We are used to the you-are-with-us-or-against-us that most parties tout (especially when they are in power or think they would be) and the AAP, sadly, has fallen into the same mindset. Kamal Farooqui becomes secular the moment he embraces the AAP, as does Tauqeer Rana - but everyone arrayed against them, irrespective of what they stand for, are branded 'corrupt', tarred with feathers and railed against with the rancour of a neophyte. This is not AAP's failing as much as it is its followers', but the disturbing fact here is that they have done little to stop this or set some expectations regarding the language they would prefer.

When Yogendra Yadav talks about Anna Hazare's movement being a Hindu movement and it was therefore AAP's responsibilities to bring in Muslims with direct appeals, he reduces AAP to another votebank parasite that has displayed political cunning that it claims to stay above of. The presence of people such as Yogendra Yadav (a member of Sonia Gandhi's NAC until he was 'booted' out for joining the AAP) and the Bhushans (who were held guilty of undervaluing a property for tax evasion) has to be guarded against - perhaps acceptable in 'yet another party' but definitely not in one that claims to be different.

Leakages and theft are common and it doesn't help when Kejriwal suddenly becomes amnesiac about his 2010-speech and the 370-page report that have suddenly vanished from his desk and the AAP website alike. 

AAP is acting like a runner who was the slowest off the blocks but has now overtaken the runner ahead and has its sights on the leader - and has, therefore, trained its sights on overtaking the leader. But what it fails to realize is that it is a marathon, not a sprint, and a short burst that robs it - and the one ahead - of the energy to last the entire distance would be playing right into the hands of the third-place they both started out competing against. 

And to excuse the AAP's excesses, or to prevent them from burning-bright-too-soon, it requires not the blind exuberance of a kid with a new toy. It needs the cold, guiding hands of a coach who might not applaud a wild slog as much as a consistent, unbreakable defense. It needs us to be vigilant in ensuring that AAP delivers on each and every ground it claims to be different in, instead of excusing it under the guise of necessity or naivete. 

Remember, that's the same excuse our beloved PM used when he spoke of 'political compulsions.'

Sunsigns for 2013

The world is changing, and so is the sun. New signs have emerged out of the brightest star in the Solar system that have necessitated the addition of new sun-signs to account for, and predict the future of (thereby enabling 231 starving astrologers to avail of the benefits of the Food Security Bill through the NREGA scheme by presenting the Aadhar card to the local bank at the time of loan application/waivers) Following the latest Goldman-Sacks report that C-PAIR (China-Pakistan-America-India-Russia) is the new BRIC, the new sun-signs have been modified to cover multiple nationalities.

• Modeo
  

  

  A Modeo as he sees himself.

  Modeos are typically identified by others' reactions to them - an aversion to enter into discussions relating to the present, a prefunctory dismissal of opinions as biased or a labeling as being part of an online legion of trollers who pray on the weak, ill-informed or at times, a male chauvinist (since the lion usually leaves the dirty work to the lionesses), often leading to frustrated roars that can be heard all the way from Gir to Kuno. A Modeo will find comfort chiefly with other Modeos, although they continue to be hounded about the Year of the Fire by the Mediacorns who also expect them to answer every question from the starvation of arctic wolves to the mating habits of common slugs holistically and inclusively.

• Mediacorns
  

  

  A typical Mediacorn.

  The Mediacorns are often loud, pre-occupied and stubborn, and cannot resist butting horns with Modeos the moment they see them. Mediacorns are proud of their trade and will invoke its name at the slightest provocation, and they can be easily provoked by questions of facts, motives, alternatives or traffic tickets. A typical Mediacorn loves a good rough-up as long as he/she is not physically involved but can witness it or use it later. There are Mediacorns who are exceptions, but prophecies foretell that an alpha Mediacorn will soon emerge to recreate every Mediacorn in his image with his quest for needing to know what everybody else already knows. Despite their aggressive and temperamental nature, Mediacorns can be easily domesticated by Concerians who take advantage of the constant struggle between the Modeos and the Mediacorns.
  
  
• Concerians

  

  The Concerian Symbol.

  Concerians make good matches for Mediacorns due a symbiotic relationship and are excellent deal-makers. Concerians get along with everyone except Modeos because their existences are mutually exclusionary - a Concerian is most likely to be replaced at the workplace or at home by a Modeo, and vice versa. Concerians are fond of hand gestures and can often be seen holding it out for no reason other than to admire their own handiwork. They are also partial to the color green and black. Concerians are always concerned about other Concerians and will therefore always stick to queues and a rigid sense of self-disciple, but are often good enough athletes to make rapid U-turns without breaking into a sweat. Concerians typically prefer a Maiden as their boss especially as Concerians have an automatic urge to pull down another Concerian.
  
  
• Maiden

  

  A Maiden in cricket. You tell me.

  A Maiden is one of the rarest sunsigns, since it happens only when a great tree falls heavily enough to shake the earth. It is named after a cricket term that signifies an over of Zeros in T20 cricket, but most Maidens are actually fans of football and volleyball. Maidens are often considered to be readymade leaders in any sphere they walk into and can often hit self-goals or the official captains without being suspended or red-carded, unless they red-card themselves. Maidens are also highly unpredictable and have great capacity for greatness and giving up their own dreams, although their reliance on Mediacorns and Concerians for the actual execution leaves them vulnerable and confused. Most Maidens have a Taurijay as their closest bodyguard due to the instinctive connection between their intellects.
  
  
• Taurijay

  

  In front of The Taurijay Club

  A Taurijay is often characterised by a bull-headedness that is immune to reason and a marked antagonism to red, saffron, orange or pink. Taurijays are also loners, but make excellent bodyguards once their loyalty has been earned. Taurijays also get along with Mediacorns and Concerians to a certain extent, but the friendship rarely extends beyond a certain level due to mutual suspicion and discomfort. Taurijays typically do not make good family men, due to their paranoia, but despite their nature, are often the show-stealers at parties, press conferences and Youtube. There are aspects of Taurijay that resonate with the Geminiam, but there have not been enough Taurijays or Geminiam to study the inter-relationship in detail.
  
  
• Geminiam

  

  Known for speaking out of
  both sides of their mouth.

  Unlike a Taurijay, Geminiams are extremely agile where their principles are concerned, often within the same sentence. Geminiams are also family-oriented and may marry more than once if allowed to do so, unafraid of the risks of managing the ambitions of their offspring from different mothers. Studies have shown that Geminians also make good fathers materialistically, often leading to their children getting plum posts and rewards, but can also scar their children with their confusing critiques. Geminians are also fond of green color sleeves and are physically very active, unlike the Aryamys.
  
  
  
  
  
  
• Aryam/Aryamy

  

  An Aryam-Aryamy

  Aryamys are often armchair theoreticians known for their imagination and ability to alienate a large section of the people with a few choice remarks. Most Aryamys spend their younger days in youthful indiscretions, pursuit of higher educations on foreign shores or both, before returning to their hometowns and invading the quiet peace there. They are persistent Romeos and will keep ramming their heads against the wall until they get what they want. Aryamys may be intellectuals of top order but not everything that comes out of an Aryamy factory is top-notch. Aryamys may get along with Modeans, although disagreements are not unheard of, but are always at loggerheads with the Anti-Aryamys, the Pissesists.
  
  
  
  
• Pisses

  

  A Piss

  The Pisses sun-sign is derived from the hinterland name for 'fish.' Most Pissesists often find their way to a coastal area, or at the very least a salt-water lake, and are not be mistaken for pacifists. Pissessists are principle-driven and immune to reason or objection where that principle is concerned, and often prefer their left side to the right. They are creative individuals who are characterized more by what they don't create than what they actually do, and can be found in groups near a watering hole. Pissesists hate Modeos, barely tolerate Concerians, disregard Taurijayans and Geminiams, but the one sign that can get under their horn is the Aryans. Pissesists are notorious for interfering in neighbors' affairs when their own house is burning, much like another arch-enemy, the Aquarius.
  
  
• Aquarius 

  

  A Typical Aquarican

  An Aquarican's first reaction in any new place is to barricade himself within walls, scare people off with muscle and machine, piss in the local swimming pool and then interfere in his/her neighbor's affairs in their best interests. Aquaricans are characterized by a their fondness for cows, dead or alive, and the legal system, and will find any excuse to test the latter a worthy expenditure of time. Aquaricans have a tendency never to learn from the past and therefore end up repeating the same mistakes, much to the delight of the Pissesists and Modeos. They are also the self-appointed Conscience-keeper, Banker, Producer, Middleman, Seller and Sheriff of the World, an attitude that often irks the Scorpsians.
  
  
• Scorpions

  

  A Scorpsian in action

  The Scorpsians consider themselves the intellectual forefathers of the Pissesists and hold the belief that they could have been the Sheriff if only they hadn't run out of cash fighting amongst themselves during the Ice Age. Scorpsians are quite insular and couldn't really care what happens to the Modeos, Mediacorns, Maidens or the others as long as the trash isn't dumped into their yard, but lose no chance to turn an Aquarican's misadventure over to the Mediacorns for free delight.  Despite the often indifferent nature, a Scorpsio can scuttle well-laid plans simply by baring their chest and revealing dirty tales.  Their only real beef is with Libranis, the only group continuously Chechmating them.
  
  
• Librani
  A Librani cannot get along with his/her spouse, neighbor, parent, child or pet due to a high level of cultivated intolerance. Libranis are often extremely fussy and prefer overkill where not even a single kill is preferred, and are happiest when they can spread their values to others. Their humor is often considered to be gallows/guillotine humor and the only ones even fleetingly able to bear with them are the Aquaricans, with whom they share a love-hate relationship, and so the only possible short-term partners for a Librani are another Librani or an Aquaricus who falls in between. Libranis are also known to work well with the Sagittese, although their over-insistence on doing everything by the book often spoils the relationship.
  
  
• Sagita
  The symbol of a Sagita is an archer who's screwed his eyes so that he can see the whole world, and like the symbol suggests, Sagittese are characterized by a narrow view of the world around them. The Sagittese often look to a particular Sagittese for leadership and the strongest contender for this is often called the Secret Chair. The Sagittese are as unwelcoming of criticism or differences as the Librani but are often more sophisticated in their approach, preferring to act without announcing their intentions to the whole world. Sagittese are also extremely calculating and manipulative and may often take-over homes of the docile Concerians if invited in as a brother. Their perspectives may be narrow, but they are often willing to take long-term risks that pay off. Only another Sagittese will be good enough for a Sagittese, although Pissesists have been known to make good spouses from time to time.
  
  
  *Applications submitted to the Govt under the Rajiv Gandhi Scheme of Registration of New Symbols, Indira Gandhi National Starvation Hatao Yojana, Rajiv Gandhi Scheme for New Son Signs (sic) and Sonia Gandhi National Disclaimer Scheme